Damn, it’s a harsh world.
A little thing about me is that I love exploring possibilities and topics. I’ve bounced back and forth on the thought of numerous future endeavors and dream careers such as painting, writing stories, creating comics, clay art, floral design, plant care, even interior design and entomology.
It’s all very overwhelming to think about, especially for me. I’m a person who tends to dream and imagine things a lot. Yes, I’ve had a few people I’ve come across in my life tell me that what I’m doing isn’t worth it, but I keep going due to my stubbornness.
Lately, I’ve been feeling mentally discouraged. I often tell myself I wish I was more invested in science or math or social studies, because then I would be able to actually achieve something in life- like becominging a neuologist or an archetect. Something that would bring me a lot of success and earn me a big house with a cool car and an outdoor pool.
I did mention earlier I like to explore my options, but its more in the context of using my hands to create something. Sitting still and working with numbers is impossible for me. I don’t know if it’s just the way I am personality-wise, or if there’s something wrong with me. I struggle on the intellectual side of things quite a bit, which probably explains why I was a horrible student in math class back in high school.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I find myself regretting my life choices, and I frequently wish I was smarter and thought more about my future ahead of time instead of thinking that becoming an artist would be a good idea.
I don’t know if school rushed me to make a solid decision, but I also don’t know if I thought about my future hard enough. Sure, writing a story and making art about my silly characters is really fun, but I don’t know if it will carry me to success.
I’m still going to keep trying (and of course keep posting every once in a while here), but this is how I’ve been feeling lately.